I changed from KodakGallery to this blog format for our baseball trip hijinx. I figure it's better for storytelling and I don't have to worry about Kodak erasing my albums because I never buy anything from them.
$100 BASEBALL TRIP - MINNEAPOLIS, MN - APRIL 18/19, 2009
Okay, so here's how it is. We needed to visit the Metrodome in Minneapolis because this is the last year that the Twins will play there. But Minneapolis is kind of isolated from the rest of the world so we cooked up this hairbrain scheme to see if we could overnight a trip to Minnesota to knock out the ballpark. Of course there are strings attached, nothing is straight forward with these trips. The challenge is to see if this adventure can be pulled off for <$100 budgeted for each traveler. The items above are pretty much all we had for luggage. (Flask to be filled later)
FAQ from friends at home and strangers we met along the way:
- Are you insane? What about airfare? That alone would triple your budget.
Frequent flyer miles and a $5 booking fee....next...
- Okay, so what about lodging?
Saturday morning flight out from IAH, Sunday 615AM return flight, we'll figure sleep out
when that time comes.
- What's with that large stack of bills? It looks like you are involved in some sort of criminal scheme.
Another caviat of this idea is that all transactions must involve denominations of US$ no greater than a one dollar bill. Money shall be bound into a wad by a rubber band, "gangster style".
- What about that cardboard cutout guy from last year? Is he going on this trip too? I liked him. Good question...but if you recall, Cardboard Cutie is still in Philadelphia on top of a flower shop. However, the actual person that was used to make the cardboard guy did join us for the trip. Like, the actual guy this time.
- Are you guys insane?
Yes
- Your wife let's you do this?
Apparently so. Kristie a good broad who knew things like this were a part of me when she signed on.
- I have had this itch on my upper thigh for a couple weeks now....it is bright red and raised.
What should I do?
Despite my endless knowledge of many things, I am not a doctor. Please consult a dermatologist.
- I still don't get it.
Then you probably never will. Go twitter or something.
$95
As previously mentioned, there was a $5 booking fee....5% of budget GONE, just like that! Another pre-trip purchase were these obscenely low quality tshirt iron on paper things that you can get at WalMart for $10.88 (5 pk). With royal blue colored t-shirts donated by my Mother's company, we created some really shitty shirt logos on Friday night with an iron. Everyone had a different slogan, most of which were surprisingly not that clever.
$93
We met at Frank's house at 6AM to carpool to the airport. The drive began with a loud crash as Frank drove over several bags of mulch and some yard tools in his garage. We all stood there, laughed and snapped pictures while he cleaned it up. We did absolutely nothing to help Frank resolve this situation. Not only did we have a finite amount of money, but a finite amount of energy as well.
Fast forward to Minneapolis. This is about when I figured out how to turn on the time stamp feature on my camera. We bought 24 hour bus passes for $6 to assist us in getting around town. This was a no-brainer in terms of keeping costs down. $87 Now put yourselves in our shoes. If you wanted to find cheap places to drink in an unfamiliar town, what would you naturally point yourself (?)....
....collegeBefore finding a little watering hole in the area,
we felt that the most economical way to eat lunch
whilst beginning to buzz ourselves would be to purchase 3 medium pizzas from pizza hut, a bottle of Cruzan Rum and a liter of coke (approx ~ $30/5 = $6/head). Eating bad pizza and mixing cocktails in an alley....what other ingredients do you need to spell class. There was a debate among us as to whether or not it is more conspicuous to keep the bottle of liquor in the brown bag or not. It's only a matter of time before the law gets involved on one of our escapades.
$81
....okay, things are heating up, almost 20% of the budget is gone and it's only like 1 oclock or something. We board a bu.....wait, in case you don't quite understand this yet, let me make it a little easier for you. Here are three things to avoid on the recession proof baseball trip:
Craft Beer
Anything larger than a one
Thoughts of how
ashamed your daughter
is of you
Here are three things to embrace:
The cheapest beer available
Making purchases with
stacks of ones
Memories from last year's
cardboard cutout gag
and debating whether or
not the actual person is
more entertaining than
the cardboard version
Back to it....we were thinking cheap, we were thinking time (game doesn't start until 6PM) and we were thinking how to get there. We heard there was a sculpture garden downtown that's open to the public. This sounds free and with enough portable alcohol, we could make a time of it. Some misguidance by Frank and bus and a train ride later, we find ourselves at the stadium 3.5 hours early. Let me bulletpoint a few events leading up to game times:
Dinkytowner Cafe - 2 pitchers with embarassingly small tips. You also tend to get odd looks when you walk into a bar, ask how much a pitcher of beer costs and walk away after they say a number higher than a previous bar would sell it to you for. This place was the most cost effective merchant of cheap beer pitchers - $77
Bottle of Rum #2 - $75
Thumbing our noses at the law again
One of the many bus rides we took....notice the coffee cups full of coke mixer that were so kindly donated to us by a bartender who we openly informed she would not be getting much of a tip from us. She respected our cause and pitched in. (no that isn't a piece of cardboard on the left)
Now on stadium grounds with plenty of time to kill, we tinker around in the festivities. No one wanted to say it but we were all thinking it.....we needed to pick up the pace if we were going to make a good trip out of it....let's screw around in front of the Metrodome for a few minutes and set out on foot.....
Nate might make the Astros
rotation at this rate
Please take note that I am
not the catcher in this pose
A block or so from the stadium, we stumble upon tailgaters. By "stumble upon", I mean that we spotted a large group of people having a good time and we figured we could sell our cause to them in exchange for free beer and food. We spent a few hours hanging out with some frat boys who adopted us.....I think they were the Delts...but that doesn't matter.
We were directed to a nearby liquor store and yes, we did purchase a case of PBR for $15 along with some ice and a water for me.....$69
But our fraternity and other adjacent tailgaters did contribute beer, food and the occassional swig of liquor....
FAQ Supplment
- Okay, so I can see you guys are wandering around Minneapolis much like homeless people (stench and all), but isn't this about baseball? Where is the game?
Have patience, we are headed to the game now. Tailgating is over. Need I remind you that only 10% of these trips is actually focused on baseball? Plus, the focus usually isn't very good by the time we enter ballparks anyways.
I believe the cheapest seats we could find were $8 but I may be wrong. You will notice that my math, phototaking abilities, and admission into establishments are all in jeopardy from this point forward. We'll call it $8.....$61
Finally, we're at the ballpark, happy? Did I mention things were getting dicey? 2 bottles of rum, 2 pitchers and a case of PBR in addition to the freebies along the way. We have made it a rule that in order to claim to have visited a ballpark, one must consume a hot dog and beer. Sort of like, "you haven't been to New Jersey just because you had a layover in Newark 10 years ago." We obviously didn't have enough money to spare to pull this off individually so we "shared" a beer and dog at the Metrodome. We also bought cokes to finish off the rum and had to restrain Blake (cardboard guy) from buying souvenirs....we'll call it...$56
Someone (probably Nathan) got a wild hair up their ass and thought that it would be really fun and exciting to move over to the left field side of the stadium where the top row of the bleachers butt up against the jumbotron. By now, Book was asleep in his seat, Blake and I were reciting poetry to one another and talking about how we are both parents now and how much we miss our families while Nate/Frank were making their way to the jumbotron. This resulted....
Yeah, a lightbulb from the jumbotron is now in our possession. Sounds like a good souvenir to carry around for the rest of the trip....another 10 hours. Let's just hope Blake doesn't drop it after going through security in the Minneapolis Airport at 5AM. That would just break my f&cking heart.
The night continues and if things were hazy before, they really got worse from here.
We returned to find that our new found family was still out tailgating so we hit the parking lot once again. Now, if you've been keeping track, I walked out of the stadium with more than half of my money remaining. Our economical vision was becoming reality and the conservative spending on the front end paved the way for more reckless spending on the back end when things got out of hand. We hit a couple of downtown spots (the ones that would let us in):
Spaghetti Warehouse bar area pricey appetizers and pints $40 (ish) remaining
It was at this place that one of our participants (who shall remain unnamed) had trouble staying awake, staying within eyesight of us, and not puking somewhere on a sidewalk near the entrance. Oh, and to your right you will see Blake tuning the TV to the
Rockets playoff
game. Watching
him try to operate a remote control was like watching a
So, similar to this blog, the night dragged on, the minutes turned to
hours, the hours into a day. We found a place to play foosball ($2/ea) and smartypants here thought he would order a round of chilled RumpleMinze ($6/ea)....beer continued to flow, the gangster wads thinned $38....$30.....$20....$10 (fuzzy fuzzy) I was refused entrance into a club for some reason and we decided to aim ourselves towards the airport. Here is what we usually looked like on public transportation:
11:01 AM, Sat
10:17 PM, Sat
2:32 AM, Sun
So where did we sleep? We made it back to Minneapolis Int'l Airport around 2:45 AM (according to that time stamp feature) and the crime scene looked like this.....
Security wasn't open, nor were the ticket counters so we had to make the best of our affordable accomodations. Sometime around 5AM, I open my eyes and there is a security guard standing over me. People are now walking about the airport, almost stepping over us and the guard says, "so guys, how was the campout"?I figured this was her way of saying, "move along now before I call the real cops on you.
Final FAQ Session:
- So, how much money was remaining at the end of the journey?
I had $5 (see below)
- Why did that Nathan guy seem to end up in so many pictures? Is there something you aren't telling us Mike?
I carried my camera and Nathan seemed to create the most hilarity....not intentional. I did take a picture of Blake in the bathroom that I withheld if it makes you feel any better.
Inevitable FAQ from Wife:
- Why don't you spend as much time on our family's blog as you did on this piece of shit?
a) Because you guys are perfect enough in picture
b) Because you usually cut me and Kyla off at two drinks a piece....funny storylines aren't as easy to come by
c) My friends are very easy to make fun of and defame
FIN!
